Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That’s why they call it the present.

February 22, 2012

Second DUI therapy class.  It was quit boring this time around.  I paid 100 dollars, so 150 dollars left. 
The thing i got away from the group this week is to be centered.  Be in the present.  Learn from the past to make a better future

"You must train yourself to have faith and live for today. Otherwise you may find yourself paralyzed with the obsession over yesterday and tomorrow.  Present living does not mean u ignore life lessons or stop planning for the future however it does allow u to stop treating life like one giant emergency."

Earlier in the day I got my biopsy and ultrasound for my thyroid.  OUCH>>>  I didnt get to see the ultrasound cause the machine was behind me.  I unfortunately saw the needle for the numbing medication.  I literally felt the needle in my thyoid.  Weirdest feeling ever.   He took about five minutes for it to set in and then he put another needle in {which kind of looked like the ultrasound cord}.  i also felt that needle in my thyroid too and lots of pressure.  Once again, worst feeling ever.  In about seven business days I will be getting the results.  Longest week EVER!! six more days to go. 

"Be the best version of yourself right now. Instead of focusing on the person you have been or the person u could be, relish the wonderful characteristics you already have. Life is far too short to waste ur energy focusing on anything besides the present."

It was a busy day yesterday.  I also got a leave of absence from my dead beat job.  The doctor filled out the papers that the Doubletree provided and said that I am having frequent panic attacks and need to control them before returning to work.  He also wrote that he is uncertain as to when I should return to work.  Great! I think. 

"The belief that your life is not a random and that each experience is a learning opportunity is quite freeing.  When we are confronted with a challenge, this belief frees us from the troubling “what if?” ir “why me?” cycle.  Instead of obsessing about past mistakes or future scenarios, we can focus on the present and trust that the current challenge serves a larger purpose."

You are never given more than u can handle. U are strong enough to overcome any obstacle and thrive in all situations

Feb 16, 2012

I went to the doctors to have my biopsy and ultrasound of my thyroid.  All prepared to have a needle get stuck in my thoat to have the doctor com in to tell me that i have to go to his office all the way out in Washington Pa because he couldnt bring the ultrasound to Catholic Charities (a free health clinic downtown).

So the suspense continues...

You cant control others actions but u can control how u react to the situations.

Instead of getting upset and angry, I said ok ill see you next week.  At least if I am out there I can either A. go to the outlets and (or) B. Go to IKEA!!! :)

Those who feel most confident who know how to recover their center when they slip or fall, are those who always remind themselves that life is a process.

Not only will I be less likely to make another less than good decision but u will have grown as a person in confidence and in strength

Feb 15, 2012
My first therapy group session for my DUI.  I have to go for six weeks every Wednesday for two hours.  And it costs 250 bucks.  The first one was only an hour.  There was about ten of us sitting in a circle.  She asked us questions like "what did you get out of the highway safety class?" and "What behaviorial tactics did you have that lead you to this DUI.
I said, bullet broof.  I have drank and drove so many times and I thought I was invisible. 
Bad time in my life.  Bad boy problems, horrible job, friends having boy troubles.  What better way to be down in the dumps than to drink.  Isnt that a conundrum?
social life.  Nowadays a huge part of social lives is meeting up at the bar.  Def for single, living at home with my mom type of gals. 

The group was quick and painful.  She actually left us with homework.  We have to ask three people what they thought of our drinking habits.  Homework really??????

Life is nothing more than a series of lessons.  Life is a learning experience, and we are all students. 

I’m in my body, in my heart, happy with my life and ok with whatever bumps in the road present themselves

As stated yesterday I had a breakdown a week and a half ago at work.

I read this in a Glamour Magazine the other day
Alicia Keys says, "I call a nervous breakdown a nervous breakthrough.  because every time I ever had one, it was a breakthough."
She had a time where her friends were not right anymore.  She was tired and had overworked herself and burnt herself out.  So she went to Egypt by herself.  When she saw what was built there it made her understand how powerful we are, that we can create anything.

some thoughts to live by.

The most successful daters have the ability to stop outside themselves and see their situation objectively as though they are watching themselves on tv

This date forward I am living and breathing by this.
Two Saturday's I did not follow this.

I was dating/seeing/talking to a dude from work.  Completely and utterly below any standards I have.  He was giving me some kind of attention I ran with it instead of just being friends with him.  He doesnt have a phone (we communicated through facebook messenger), no car (he got a DUI years ago and hasn't paid off his fine}, lives at home, is bipolar {on no meds}, insomnic {sleeps all day}, smokes pot, bad teeth.  ok, ok HES A DEAD BEAT.  End of story. 

Long story short he didnt want to talk to me one day and work some stuff out.  Teena Jones ended up flipping out. 

What can I learn from this experience?

Don't date people you work with and by no means DO NOT SETTLE!!! EVER!!!!!

Girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up: if a boy punches you he likes you, never try to trim your own bangs, and someday you will meet a wonderful guy and get your very own happy ending. Every movie we see, every story we're told implores us to wait for it: the third act twist, the unexpected declaration of love, the exception to the rule. but sometimes we're so focused on finding our happy ending we don't learn how to read the signs. how to tell the ones who want us from the ones who don't, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave. and maybe a happy ending doesn't include a guy, maybe it's you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. maybe the happy ending is just moving on. or maybe the happy ending is this: knowing after all the unreturned phone calls and broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment... you never gave up hope.

Have a passion for something that you are willing to do anything. It’s a tough road and if you do not have the heart and desire then you will be tempted to give up along the way. The only difference between one person and the next is how bad you want it.

This sums up Joe Paterno's life.  And a life everyone should live by.  God Bless Joe Pa.  He passed away due to lung cancer. 

Dec 21, 1926- Jan 22, 2012
You will never be forgotten

Great people don’t have something that everyone else doesn’t; they have simply removed a lot of the things that stand in the way of their best selves.

So Jan 27, 2012
My last journey to the courthouse downtown.  I get there at 630 in the morning.  I drive because there is no rush hour that freaking early.

I pay my 250 dollars and sit outside of a room.  Go into the courtroom and sit like sardines for over an hour waiting for the judge.  The judge finally makes his way into the room at 930!!! 930!!! I do not leave the courtroom until ten minutes to ten!! standing before the judge was approx 15 seconds long.  It was the most exhausting experience of my life and I didnt even do anything.  Talk about the run around.  I get a piece of paper with my POs name on it and leave.  We do not have to check in with the PO at all.  It is an unsupervised probation.  Hopefully in 6 months I can have this 1400 dollar fine paid off and I can get off of probation and get on with my life! 1400 dollars! yuck o well u live and u learn???

Real power comes from knowing who we are and our place in this world.  We must remember everything is alright and everything is unfolding exactly as they are suppose to.

Jan 27 2012  was also another significant day because it was the day that the RED HOT CHILI PEPPERS tickets were going on sale at TEN O CLOCK.  I would have been outside of Consol Energy center but since I was at the courthouse for so long I couldnt.  I ran to Consol right after my hearing since ticketmaster was being slow.  I arrived at Consol at 1015 and the whole floor section was cleared out.  There wasnt even anyone in line anymore.  But thankfully I got the side section right next to the stage.  This is a dream come true and I am super pumped!!!

One day at a time, one foot in front of the other.